Something in me broke today or, rather; some hostility in me was calmed today.
I started out my day in the same fashion: somewhat bitter, somewhat cynical. These are two things that plague me constantly. As I have previously written, I have also been plagued by depression. Even as I am writing this, albeit it is only 6:45 AM and my brain is working at full power yet, I cannot put a rational explanation on why I've been depressed. Some of the reasons I expressed back on my day 1 post, others are because I miss my family, and others are because of some struggles that are going on at my church. I have been praying that God would relieve me of my depression, my bitterness, my cynicism, and help see Him in all of this and enable me to look past the things that I disagreed with.
The breaking began today in the morning service. Matt and Lyle brought in 3-2-1 Improv. They were hilarious. It was good just to laugh, it was cleansing in some way, as weird and that may sound. After that, the state people took all of us youth pastors out to eat at a local Mexican restraunt. I was able to start talking to one of the other youth pastors, Greg from Vandalia, about one of my passions, Biblical languages. After we came back, a couple of youth pastors, some other youth workers, and myself went to the local theater and watched Kung Fu Panda. I really wanted to see either the Hulk or Indiana Jones, but we got there a little too late for that. The movie was pretty good, not great, but pretty good. I laughed a lot.
I came back, read some, went to supper, and then went over to the RFAC to pray over the evening service. By the time the service started, I wasn't in my normal slump and was actually able to get into the music. Even though I was enjoying it to some degree, I left the service. While wondering around I bumped into a friend of mine, James McCloy, and we ended up talking about some things for the next hour or so. When I went back in to the service, there was a "video" playing. It was really just an audio recording with the words up on the screen. The main thing that it really impressed upon me was the real reason for missions. That the reason we should do missions isn't because of us, it's not even because of them, it is because of God and His glory. God, in His grace and mercy, died to save a group of people. He has ordained that those of us He has already brought to a relationship with Him are the ones that are to carry the message to those who have not yet heard. Even though we are scared or just lazy, God deserves those for whom He died. That though should be our motivation. Anything less than that is humanism, not Christianity, and should be rejected.